Fury's Rules
by Deathstroke Terminator
Summary: Fury writes a list of rules as he lives with the Avengers. Major Crack.
1. Rule 1

Summary: Fury writes a list of rules as he lives with the Avengers.

This is my second Avenger's crack fic. Yay for me.

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Chapter 

Rule #1

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Fury was in a bad mood. Mutants have been popping up everywhere lately and it was becoming impossible to monitor them all. To make matters worse the less then friendly mutants have started to become more bold after the attack on New York. The last thing he needed at the moment was this chaos.

He had only been ten steps from the living room of Stark Tower's when the door he intended to enter flew off its hinges. Fury literally had to hug the wall to avoid breaking every bone in his body.

Nostrils flaring Fury turned to see a blushing super soldier. "What in the hell is going on here", he snapped, gaining Steve's attention.

Blush deepening Steve turned to address his superior officer, though after taking several calming breaths all he could bring himself to utter was one word in way of explanation.

"Stark".

And with that Steve stormed off leaving one _very_ pissed off Fury.

With a swish of his trench coat Fury made his way inside the doorframe. "_STARK_"!

"Ah, Director, have I ever told you, you have wonderful timing", he said drink naturally in hand.

Before Fury had the change to ask, or rather demand, what the hell he'd done this time very provocative music and moaning gave him his answer.

"You showed Steve porn. _Steve_, Stark".

Tony shrugged his shoulders indifferently, "I don't really see the problem here".

Fury's good eye twitched. Without saying another word he upholstered his gun and fired off its entire round at the flat screen. In the matter of seconds the once beautiful piece of technology was reduced to a piece of sparking scrap metal.

Tony's face was scrunched up with mock distaste. "Do you realize how expensive that flat screen was"?

Not even dignifying the billionaire with a response Fury stormed out of the room.

Agent Barton waited outside with a puzzled look on his face. Before he could say anything Fury shoved the file he had brought with him into his arms and gave him a command that confused him more than anything else-

"Rule number one: from this day forward no one, under any circumstances, is allowed to watch porn in the tower".

Walking into the room Clint frowned in confusion. "I was only gone for _five _minutes and this happens"?!


	2. Rule 2

Summary: Fury writes a list of rules as he lives with the Avengers. Major Crack.

I only have one things to say- Coulson lives!

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Chapter 2

Rule #2

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It was a calm day at SHEILD headquarters, a rarity for the Director since as of late things have been more hectic then they've been, well, ever. It was only two years ago that he realized the hard truth that we weren't alone in the universe and that we are miserably out gunned. It was hard enough with the rising number of mutants but now they had that to deal with. It was enough to give anyone a headache, let alone the one who had to deal with it.

A knock on his door brought him out of his internal musings. "Enter".

Closing his laptop Fury looked up to see one of his most loyal and trustworthy agents- Phil Coulson.

"Agent Coulson, to what do I owe this pleasure"? By the look on his agents face he knew it wouldn't be good.

Phil didn't say anything until after he'd placed the tablet on his desk and by that time he was already half way out the door. Again, troubling. "You may want to see this sir".

Fury sat there for a good minute before he picked it up and in that time he could feel whatever semblance of peace he'd gained from the relative peace in the office slip away.

What he saw when he turned on the devise didn't surprise him in the slightest, which is slightly depressing he realized.

From what he could tell the feed was live. Fury's jaw twitched. The footage he was currently watching was taking place in the living room of Avenger's tower (it was always in that damn room).

From what he could garner the team as a whole had been playing Spongebob Monopoly before a fight broke out. Natasha was currently trying to choke out Tony while he beat her over the head with the game board.

"_I am _not _a prostitute Stark_", she hissed.

Fury decided he didn't want to know what she meant by that.

Tony's only resonance was to hurl the monopoly money at her with his free hand.

Natasha shrieked and tightened her hold on his neck.

Across the room Bruce had hulked out and was trying to kill Barton. Luckily for him Thor was more than willing to protect him from Bruce's wrath.

"_Hulk smash little bird_", he growled.

Barton looked like he was going to pee himself when he said that. Not that Fury could blame him.

"You shall not harm the Eye of Hawk beast", Thor growled back smashing him across the face with Mjölnir.

It was at that point that Steve emerged from the wall covered in dry wall. "_This is ridiculous it's only a game_". When no one acknowledged his presence he yelled, "_As your leader I order you all to stand down_"!

Everyone, including the Hulk, stopped what they were doing for a moment to stare at him. And then a bolt of lightning struck Steve's chest and he fell out the window.

Then the fighting started again.

Fury sighed wearily.

"Coulson", he bellowed in a bad mood once more.

In two seconds flat the agents was in front of his desk once more.

"Yes sir"?

"Take a group of agents to the tower and get everything straightened up and while you're there tell the Captain there's a new rule".

Coulson took out his phone and begrudgingly took note_- Rule number two, monopoly is hereby banned in the tower._ Coulson could only pray that Fury never realized he was the one who gave them the game in the first place . . .


End file.
